


For the Love of Spirk

by IvanW



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bonds, Bones is So Done, Fluff, Gay, Humor, M/M, Misunderstandings, NO LONGER BEING UPDATED, ObliviousJim, OblviousSpock, One Shot Collection, Romance, SassySpock, Secret Relationship, Sex, Sexual Content, Some Mirror Verse, T'hy'la, Voyeurism, spirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2018-10-16 02:00:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10561506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: This is basically a one-shot collection (though I haven't included it in my collections) with different scenarios involving the One True Pairing of James T. Kirk and Spock. There may be times I drift into Mirror or Primes or something like that and when I do I will add tags. This will only be updated as the whim hits me and I write something that can't really be included in a longer fic.





	1. Gossip: Blind Item

Jim grimaced at the first taste of too bitter coffee and reached to add more cream to it just as the cream container was snatched out of his hand and moved aside. “Hey!”

“Your cholesterol is up,” Bones muttered as he sat down directly next to Jim, which was not his habit. Usually Bones planted himself across from Jim. He thrust his PADD at Jim. “Mind explaining this?”

Jim thrust it back. “Bones, I have a headache the size of Cincinnati so really, can’t we do this another time?”

“No.” Bones shoved it into Jim’s arms. “You’d better think fast, Jimbo.”

Jim scrunched up his face and read out loud.

**Blind Item for my Readers!**

**Rumor has it that only the Fleet’s most _famous_ captain and first officer are secretly getting horizontal every chance they get, and readers we do mean, _every_ chance and _everywhere_ , and may _even_ be secret space husbands. What say you readers? Are these rumors true?**

Jim set it in front of Bones. “So?”

“Sound like anyone you know?”

Jim shrugged and took another sip of the coffee, grimacing once more. “Not really. And since when have you been reading those anonymous gossip columns?”

“I have to have a life somehow. Might as well live through other people.”

“Except all that shit is made up, Bones. I mean, seriously, who are they even talking about?”

Bones pushed the cream over to Jim. “Stop looking forlorn. And come on, don’t play dumb blond with me. You know it’s you and Spock.”

Jim burst out laughing even as he poured cream, lots of it, into the coffee. “First of all, no way. And second of all, no way. And third, Spock and I aren’t famous.”

“Oh so famous.”

“We are not. Look, I don’t know _who_ they’re talking about there, if any actual real person, but I can assure you that it’s not us.” He grabbed Bones’ face and turned his head so he was looking at the corner of the room where Spock and Uhura were sitting at a table for two and looking very intimate. “What does that look like to you?”

“Well.” Bones huffed. “It sounds like you.”

“It’s not. Or if it is, it’s just made up to amuse gullible idiots like you.”

“Who are _you_ calling an idiot?” Bones stood. “I guess I’ll be going back to the medbay. Dinner later?”

Jim smiled. “You got it. I need to head to the bridge myself.” He took a few more unsatisfying sips of coffee, then headed out of the mess and to the turbolift. The doors were about to close when an arm, encased in science blue shot out and stopped it.

“One day you’re going to lose an arm doing that, Mister Spock.” He pulled the lever. “Bridge.”

Spock stepped past him and stopped the lift.

“What are you doing?”

Spock arched a brow. “I believe you are aware what I am doing, Captain.”

Jim watched, wide-eyed, as Spock dropped to his knees in front of him and began to undo the zipper of his pants. “Spock! Not here. Not again.”

“Yes, here.”

“But, Jesus, everyone’s getting suspicious and—” Spock pulled his cock out of his pants and swallowed him down. “Oh, fuck.”

He lost himself to the sensation of Spock sucking his dick, deep throating him. He threaded his fingers into Spock’s hair, clutching him there while he rutted into Spock’s mouth.

“This is-is so inappropriate,” he gasped as his hips rocked and his legs began to feel like jelly. Spock’s hands gripped his legs then like a vise, holding him up while he swallowed Jim deep. His release hit him suddenly, powerful and hard, and he flooded Spock’s mouth with his seed when Spock refused to let go until he’d milked Jim’s cock to the last.

Jim leaned heavily against the bulkhead and Spock removed a cloth from his pocket, wiped Jim off, and then methodically tucked his captain back into his pants and zipped him up.

Spock stood, used another cloth to wipe his mouth, and as Jim watched with half closed eyes, took out a spray bottle which he then sprayed into his open mouth.

Jim huffed out a laugh. “You’re something else.”

“So you have said.”

“Bones is starting to suspect.”

“It is you who has kept our relationship a secret from the doctor. I have no real objection to him learning.”

Jim sighed and closed his eyes. “I know. It’s just he’s such a pain and so smug about things.” He straightened away from the bulkhead, opening his eyes again. “I’ll tell him. Or we could just walk into the medbay and kiss in front of him.”

“Whenever we kiss we begin to engage in coitus. I am not certain you wish for him to see that.”

Jim nodded. “Good point.” He grabbed Spock’s collar and kissed him thoroughly. “You still taste a bit like me.”

“Cannot be helped.”

Jim went to the lever. “Ready, Commander?”

“Ready, Captain.”

They reached the bridge and Jim went to his chair. He’d been there only for a few seconds when his PADD dinged a message.

_Liar!!!_

Eyes bugging out, Jim typed back,

_What? You saw?_

_Everything!_

_OMG Perv!_

_And I think I’m owed a case of scotch._

Jim sighed and went to put his PADD aside when another message appeared.

_And brain and eye bleach. Those too._


	2. I Just Called to Say I Love You

“So, what are you doing here anyway?” Bones eyed Jim over his glass of whiskey as he leaned back in his desk chair.

“Well.” Jim sort of shrugged. “I, um, I guess I need advice.”

“Advice.”

“Yeah.” Jim grimaced and took a sip of his own liquor.

Bones nodded. “About what?”

“Spock.”

“Oh lord save me.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “You’re a big help.”

“What do you want?”

“To, um, how to tell him how I feel. You know.”

“Why is that so hard?”

“Because I’ve never done it.” Jim blanched. “It’s icky.”

“God, are you sure you’re an actual adult?”

Jim grinned. “No.”

“Thought so. You just want to spring it on him then? Go up to his station on the bridge and blurt out you love him?”

Jim made a face at the L word. “Last night…we did it.”

“Did what?”

“ _It_.”

Bones stared at him. “Oh. _That_ it.”

“Yeah.”

“Spare me the details.”

“Three times.”

Bones made a strangled sound. “Is that sparing me the details?”

“You’re old enough to know people sometimes have sex.”

“People, yeah. But you and Spock?” Bones shuddered.

“I almost said it, you know, when. But that’s not really the proper time to say it, is it?”

“No?”

Jim swirled his whiskey in his glass. “Your sincerity is doubted if you scream it out during sex. Everybody knows that.”

“Hmm.” Bones finished his own whiskey and set down the glass and then reached into his desk for a package of crackers that Jim recognized he’d purchased the last time they were on Risa. “Why don’t you practice telling me?”

“Huh?”

“People practice speeches all the time. And stuff like that, right? So tell me you love me. And if you can tell _me_ you love me with a straight face then you’re good to go.”

Jim thought about it. The suggestion did have merit. Would be a bit awkward though. “Well. I guess I could try it.”

“There’s a good captain.”

He was tempted to roll his eyes again. “Okay. Here goes.” He cleared his throat, feeling his face flush with embarrassment. “The thing is. I’ve harbored this secret for a long time.”

“Harbored a secret? That’s what we’re going with?”

“Shut up. Am I doing this or are you?”

Bones snorted.

“I’ve loved you for a long time. Um. Way before the mission. Really way before. Maybe even back in the academy and—”

“You’re babbling.”

“This isn’t easy for me.”

Bones sighed. “I know, kid. Just say it. Forget all the preambles and just come right out and tell me.”

Jim exhaled slowly. “I love you.”

There was a long moment of silence and then Bones grinned.

“Was that so hard?”

“Incredibly so,” Jim told him. Then grinned too. “Especially without laughing. Ugh. I do love you, but fuck me, not like that.”

“Thank God,” Bones said dryly.

“Now, really, I need to go. I’m late. Spock’s expecting me.”

“Good luck.” Bones paused. “And Jim? I’m happy for you.”

Jim may have been a little giddy as he made his way to the turbolift and ordered it to the deck with the officers’ quarters. He was feeling good. Really good. The night before had been amazing and for once it looked like everything was going to go his way at last.

He smiled at a passing ensign and as he rounded the corner, he spotted Spock standing and talking to Nyota. Which was fine. He knew they were no longer together and hadn’t been for a few weeks. But he stopped walking when he heard his own name.

“In point of fact, my relationship with Jim is not going to work out after all,” Spock said quietly.

“What?” Uhura asked, her face scrunching up in confusion. “But I thought—”

“New information convinces me otherwise. Last night was clearly an error on my part and I will be forced to apologize.”

_Oh God_.

Spock didn’t want him. Spock changed his mind. It was-it was an error on Spock’s part.

_A beautiful lie._

Jim turned on his heels and went the other direction, blindly walking away so that they wouldn’t see him. The last thing he wanted right now was to face Spock’s apology.

He was going to be sick. That’s what he was going to be. He went to Bones’ quarters instead. He knew how to access it, had with Bones’ permission many times.

Once inside Bones’ quarters he sunk down onto the bed. He pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes to stop any tears that might leak out. He would not cry. No. Jim Kirk didn’t cry over anyone.

Even—

Even Spock.

He pulled himself into a fetal position and lay on Bones’ bed, waiting for when his friend would come.

****

“Captain? Captain, are you all right?” Spock asked. His heart thundered in his side as he waited for Jim’s answer. He hadn’t heard a sound out of Jim for an hour. They’d been held captive for five. Jim was in the cell next to his.

After receiving a distress signal from the colonists on Loganville, they’d made their way to the planet, only to find that the city had been overrun with Klingons. Their security detail had been quickly decimated and Spock and Jim had been taken captive. So far, they were unharmed. But Spock was unsure how long that would last.

“I’m fine, Spock,” Jim said, his voice so soft Spock struggled to hear. “Just like the last time you asked.”

“You suffer from no injuries?”

“No.”

To say Jim was subdued around Spock was an understatement. In the last twelve hours prior to the mission, Jim had barely looked at Spock, let alone spoken to him. Spock knew why, yet it was still painful.

“Captain.”

A long pause.

“Yeah?”

“I need to offer an apology and—”

“Forget it. You don’t owe me an apology or anything else.”

“I disagree. The other night I—”

“It doesn’t matter, Spock.”

“It does matter. I acted unprofessionally and therefore I must apologize.”

Jim sighed and Spock heard a slight thunk as though Jim’s head had hit the cell. “Okay. I accept your apology.”

“If I took advantage of your vulnerability then I—”

Jim laughed. “You didn’t. And I’m not vulnerable.”

“Jim.”

“Just shut up, Spock.”

For about twenty minutes, Spock did, somewhat stung by the rebuff from his captain. And in Spock’s defense, Jim _had_ acted as though he wished physical contact between them.

“It is only that I was under the impression that you shared my interest at the time.”

Another long pause.

“Captain? Are you injured?”

“No, Spock.”

“Then—”

“Your interest?”

Spock nodded which seemed ridiculous considering Jim couldn’t even see him. “In mutual copulation.”

“Do you think the Enterprise will find us?”

Spock frowned slightly. “You are changing the subject.”

“Yeah. Not to mention, I’m hoping they will find us and save me from this really fucking idiotic conversation.”

Spock’s ire bristled. “You could have simply said you did not wish to discuss the matter.”

“I did. I told you to shut up. After telling you I didn’t want to your apology.”

That was true, Spock admitted to himself.

“Are you pursuing a relationship with Doctor McCoy?” Spock made himself ask.

This pause was the longest one yet and Spock opened his mouth once more to ascertain Jim’s well-being.

“A what?”

“A relationship with Doctor McCoy,” Spock replied with far more patience than he felt. “Considering your confessed feelings toward him.”

“My-my what? Commander, did you hit your head?”

“I did not. I overheard your declaration to Doctor McCoy in the medbay.”

“Uh, what?”

Spock’s control was on the verge of snapping. “You were late and I went in search of you and discovered you in the doctor’s office revealing your affection for the doctor. I could only surmise our own sexual intercourse from the night before had convinced you that you should declare your feelings to McCoy after the inadequacies of our night together.”

“Inadequacies? You thought that was inadequate?” Jim’s voice had risen an octave.

“Certainly not. It was most satisfactory.”

“Satisfactory. That’s so much better.”

Spock recognized the sarcasm in Jim’s voice but he did not understand the reason behind it. “Captain?”

“Spock, I was not declaring my love for Bones, I was declaring my love for you.”

“But you were not aware of my presence.”

Jim groaned. “ _I know_. This is going to sound really lame, but I was practicing.”

“Practicing what, Captain?”

“Telling you I loved you.”

Spock’s side ached. “In the past tense?”

“No,” Jim said softly again. “I still do. But you don’t want me.”

“What?”

A long sigh. “You. Don’t. Want. Me. I knew it was too good to be true.”

“Captain, I—”

“I overheard you telling Uhura we weren’t going to have a relationship, Spock.”

Spock closed his eyes. If Jim had been close, he might have shaken him. “Because I thought you were in love with Doctor McCoy.”

“I love _you_ , Stupid Pointy-Eared Bastard.”

Though Spock would have preferred a different endearment, he felt relieved nonetheless. “And I love you as well, you highly illogical, infuriating human.”

At that moment, Spock heard the approach of footsteps and he tensed as he heard them stop just outside of Jim’s cell. He heard words spoken in Klingon and then Jim’s cell being opened.

“Now would be a really a good time for the Enterprise to beam us up,” Jim called out.

“Captain—”

He heard the sound of a transporter activating and then the Klingon swore angrily. Spock felt his own particles breaking up.

And he emerged on the transporter on the Enterprise.

“Hot damn!” Jim exclaimed from next to Spock. “Scotty that was amazing!”

“Well I did the calculations—” Scott began to say excitedly.

Jim grabbed Spock and pressed his lips to Spock in a very deep, erotic kiss that should never have been seen by anyone. Spock found himself quite aroused.

“Ahem.”

Spock broke them apart and they both turned to look at Scott, McCoy, and Nyota all standing in the transporter room.

“Captain, that was a most unseemly display,” Spock protested, feeling the blush in his own cheeks.

“I know.” Jim grinned and grabbed Spock’s hand. “Come with me and I’ll get even more unseemly. Scotty, get us out of here. And you have the con.”

“Aye, Captain.”

And as they left the room, Spock heard McCoy’s sigh and Nyota’s giggle.

Oddly enough Spock didn’t care, as his gaze was most firmly riveted on Jim’s ass.


	3. Favorites

Jim lay mostly on top of Spock, probably far too sweaty and covered in sexual fluids for his first officer, but whenever he attempted to extract himself, Spock’s arms tightened around him, so he figured maybe he didn’t mind Jim making a bed out of him after all.

Jim smiled when Spock placed a kiss on the top of his head. He hadn’t expected Spock to be so affectionate in private given his reticence everywhere else. But when they were alone, it was definitely different.

Not that Spock went around grinning like a loon or doing standup comedy or anything like that. He wouldn’t be Spock if he wasn’t still quite reserved and logical after all. But he was definitely different with Jim in private, even if they were simply playing chess or talking about the latest orders from Starfleet.

They’d only been sleeping together for about two weeks, but even before that, Jim had noticed a difference in Private Spock. Jim, well, he’d never been able to hide his ridiculous feelings for Spock. He was always touching Spock, even when he probably shouldn’t be. Even when he’d still been with Uhura.

He hadn’t gotten to the point where he used the L word to Spock. Oh, Jim knew he did. Very much. For a long time. But love didn’t come easy for Jim. And telling someone was even less easy. Harder. Whatever.

He closed his eyes and snuggled closer to Spock. “You’re my favorite Vulcan.”

Spock stiffened very slightly, but otherwise, his only response was a rather dry, “I certainly hope so.”

Jim chuckled and waited for some reciprocatory response from Spock. But when several seconds passed, it seemed perhaps Spock didn’t get it.

He bit back a sigh. “Well?”

“Well, what, Jim?”

Jim didn’t bother to withhold the sigh this time, and let it out long and frustrated. “Am I your favorite human?”

Silence.

“Spock?”

“There are quite a bit more humans than Vulcans these days.” He sounded vaguely amused, the Vulcan bastard.

Jim counted to five. “Am I your favorite captain?”

“Obviously.” There was no mistaking the amusement in Spock’s tone now.

“Am I your favorite…blond?”

“Yes.”

Well at least they were getting somewhere.

“Am I your favorite blue-eyed…thing?” Jim snorted at himself.

“Of a certainty.”

The amusement was becoming much more pronounced.

Jim rose up on his arms to look at Spock. His expression was of blatant serenity.

“So I am your favorite blond haired, blue-eyed captain thing?”

“Indeed.” An eyebrow quirked up. “I find this conversation most illogical.”

“You’re my favorite logical being, too.”

Spock nodded at this.

He blew out a breath. “Who do you like better than me?”

A stupid question to ask, certainly. But Jim wasn’t always a genius. He braced himself, waiting to hear Uhura or hell, anyone, really.

“I do not understand the question.”

“Really?”

“Jim. I do not like anyone better than you.”

The tightness in his chest loosened. “So, you in fact, like me better than anyone else?”

“Affirmative.”

“Okay. So doesn’t that make me your _favorite_ human?” Jim asked pointedly.

“Very well. Yes.”

Reluctantly spoken, but Jim would take it. He laid his head back down on Spock’s chest. “You’re my favorite _humanoid_.”

“That is quite impressive,” Spock said with that same thread of amusement in his voice. “There are a number of species included.”

Jim shrugged. “Well.” He toyed with a hair on Spock’s chest. Talking about feelings was clearly not his thing. He was mucking this up badly, obviously. Having to demand Spock declare things he wasn’t ready to declare.

“You are mine as well,” Spock said quietly.

Jim’s head shot up and he stared at Spock, but Spock just stared right back, his dark eyes warm and clear. “Yeah?”

Spock shook his head and lifted his hand to Jim’s face, where he spread his fingers across Jim’s cheek. It was not a meld, just a slight brush of his mind, affectionate and calming at the same time. Jim loved that particular gesture from Spock, which he had been doing increasingly more often. Jim suspected because Spock knew he loved it.

“You are my favorite impossible incorrigible impetuous infuriating gorgeous blond haired blue-eyed captain humanoid thing.”

Jim laughed. “ _Finally_!”   

He felt himself being flipped onto his back and suddenly his Vulcan was looming over him, looking down at him with desire that made Jim’s blood heat, his head dazed, and his arousal spike.  

“Show me,” he said, breathlessly.

And Spock did.


	4. Chair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mirror Verse

“What the hell did you do to my chair?” Jim demanded, as he stared at the lieutenant who just vacated the captain’s chair. It was now Jim’s shift time and he had arrived to find the right arm of the chair completely cracked.

“N-Nothing, sir,” the lieutenant said, turning a dark shade of red.

“ _Nothing_? That wasn’t that way when I left it!”

“I-I know, sir, but it just sort of happened.” He took a step back from Jim as though he thought Jim might strike him. Ridiculous. Of course. Well. He had thought of it briefly.

“Just sort of happened?” Jim pointed to the arm. “How does that just sort of happen?” He narrowed his eyes, assessing the man. “If you were doing things in my chair while on duty I’ll—”

“No! God no! No, Captain.” He was shaking his head frantically now. “I swear, sir.”

Jim’s jaw tightened as he flicked a quick glance at Spock, who predictably arched his brow in response.  “Very well. You’re relieved of duty.”

The lieutenant’s eyes widened and his mouth hung open. ”Relieved? But why?”

Jim struggled for patience. “Your shift is over, Biggins.”

“Oh.” He nodded, pulling at his collar. “Y-Yes. Thank you, Captain. I’ll just-I’ll just be on my way.”

Jim watched him go, even as Biggins spared one last glance at Jim as he departed, biting his lip as he did so. Jim shook his head. He glanced down at his broken chair with a grimace.

“I will order a repair crew to take care of it, Captain,” Spock spoke up from beside him.

“Thanks, Spock.” Jim sighed and took his seat, leaning away from the broken arm. “Am I that scary?”

“Sir?”

“That kid. He acted like I scared the crap out of him.” Not that Jim thought that was a bad thing, necessarily.

Spock quirked a brow. “He is not afraid of you in that way.”

“Then what the hell was that?”

“Captain, if I may,” Uhura said, coming over from her post. She exchanged a quick look with Spock. “Biggins has a crush on you.”

Jim laughed.

“It’s not a joke, Captain,” Uhura insisted.

“Why would he have a crush on me?”

She snorted and came forward to pat his face. “Really? You can’t think of any reason?” She rolled her eyes. “You’re the captain, so an authority figure, you’re Captain Perfect Hair, so there’s that—”

“You have really blue eyes,” Sulu said from his station even though Jim hadn’t even known he was listening.

“And that rakish scar by your eye,” Chekov added, almost leering.

“And then there is your posterior.”

Jim turned so fast to look at Spock he almost fell out of his chair. “ _What_ did you say?”

“I think he said—” Chekov began to say.

“That will be all, Ensign,” Spock said coolly.

Chekov winced.

Uhura smiled. “The point is, Captain, trust me, Biggins is nervous around you because he has a crush. So maybe you could be a little nicer to him? Just a thought?” She winked at him and then glanced in Spock’s direction. She winced. “Not _too_ nice of course.”

Jim shook his head and frowned as she moved back to her station. He turned to look at Spock, but realized his first officer had returned to his station as well.

With a shrug, Jim began his shift by asking for a status report.

****

Hours later, Jim came out of the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around his waist after his shower and glanced over to where Spock sat at the desk working on his terminal. “You totally said something about my ass on the bridge.”

Up went the eyebrow. “Would I say something about it on the bridge of all places?”

“Normally I would say no, but I heard you.” Jim chewed his lip. “I think so anyway.” He went over to the desk and sat in Spock’s lap. If the towel didn’t totally cover his ass, oh well. “You weren’t jealous because Uhura said Biggins has a crush on me, were you?”

Spock’s arms tightened around Jim. “There is no need. Everyone knows exactly who you belong to.”

“Only because you can’t keep your hands to yourself even in front of others.”

“You enjoyed everyone watching us,” Spock reminded him.

Jim shivered. He leaned in for a kiss. That was meant to be just light and playful, but quickly began to turn into something else entirely.

“I did, perhaps, order him to the booth,” Spock said casually.

Jim pulled back and looked into his first officer’s eyes. “The booth? For having a crush on his captain?” He cupped Spock’s bearded jaw.

“Mmm. He openly fantasizes about you. And I want everyone to be fully cognizant of what it means to cross me.”

“My scary Vulcan.” He glanced at the screen. “Whatever you’re doing can wait until you’ve finished fucking me.”

“Since we are about to begin shore leave I will not be finished fucking you for days.”

Jim shrugged. “How unfortunate for your reports.”

Spock’s fingers squeezed Jim’s ass. “And now it is time to show you just exactly who you belong to.”

“Biggins?” Jim teased.

Spock growled and lifted Jim onto the desk, his hand swatting Jim’s ass.

“Ouch! Ow. Okay, okay. You. I belong to you.”

“Do not forget it.”

And Spock made sure that Jim’s sore ass wouldn’t let him.


	5. Splinter

The mission on Ryla 3 had been a disaster. The landing party had been decimated both by injuries and deaths.

Spock had been left on the bridge and had a moment where he couldn’t think entirely clearly as he’d learned of the party’s fate. But then just before they beamed up Spock had heard Jim’s voice, loud and clear, sounding strong.

Then he’d been able to walk calmly to the transporter room.

Once there, Spock saw the carnage. And though there was perhaps too much emotion behind that word, it fit the situation.

Jim had taken three security guards with him and they had all been killed.  Their names had been Warren, Hitch, and Cooper. The other members of the party with Jim had been Nyota , Scott and Chekov.

They were all injured. There were gurneys for all three of them. Jim was standing but there was a slash across his forehead, his left eye was black, his right cheek was bruised, and there was blood covering his jaw and all over the front of his torn shirt. His gaze landed on Spock and with a slight nod he immediately eased Spock’s anxiety.

McCoy had come with the gurneys and the medics. He stopped first at Chekov who seemed to be the most severely injured. He barked orders about taking the ensign into surgery and then turned to Nyota. 

“Just a little leg injury, Leonard,” Nyota insisted. “I’m fine.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” But McCoy smiled. “Take her to the medbay.”

“Wait.” Spock stepped forward over to her gurney.

She gave him a wan smile. “I’m fine. Only hurts a little. The captain saved me.”

Jim came over and squeezed her shoulder. “It was nothing. You take care. Let them treat you.”

Her dark eyes warmed. “It wasn’t nothing.” But then she closed her eyes and they took her away.

“Your injuries—”

“I’m not injured,” Jim said immediately.

“The blood—”

“Not mine.”

Spock came close to pointing out the slash across Jim’s forehead, his black eye, and his bruised cheek, but Jim turned his back and walked over to where McCoy was tending to Scott.

Spock followed Jim to the medbay, keeping a close eye on him, but when even the doctor didn’t seem to think the captain was injured, Spock suspected he should return to the bridge.

“I’m going to go get cleaned up and get some rest,” Jim announced when the doctor waved him out of the medbay. He smiled at Spock. “See you in a bit?”

“Yes, Captain.”

And Spock forced himself to the bridge. Jim was fine. Apparently not even injured. The doctor said Nyota would only be there overnight. Scott would be back in engineering within a week, and Chekov, too, was expected to make a full recovery, though longer than the others.

It was four hours before his relief arrived and he was able to make it to the quarters he shared with his captain. They had been married in the Terran way for two months but Spock still hoped to bond with Jim at some point.

When he entered their quarters, he was stunned to see Jim still in his torn and bloody uniform, sitting on the edge of their bed. He was still bloody and bruised. He was staring at his hand.

Spock’s heart immediately squeezed painfully. “Jim?”

Jim looked up and his eyes were filled with tears.

Now Spock’s heart stopped. “Ashaya?”

“I have a splinter.”

“What?”

Jim held up his hand. “I have a splinter.”

Spock’s steps faltered as he went to Jim’s side. He took Jim’s hand in his and looked down at his finger. There was a wooden splinter in his finger. Jim was shaking.

As Spock watched, a tear fell down Jim’s bruised cheek. “It hurts,” he whispered.

Spock swallowed. “I will take it out so that it won’t hurt anymore.”

Jim nodded.

Spock tamped down his own distress and went to get something to take out the splinter. When he returned, Jim didn’t want to give Spock his hand.

“It’ll hurt.” Jim sounded almost childlike. Spock knew this was far more than a splinter. Jim was quite clearly on the verge of a breakdown. Or perhaps in the middle of one. “It will not,” Spock said softly. “I promise.”

Jim gave him his hand and Spock quickly took care of the splinter.

“Thanks,” Jim whispered.

“May I help you into the shower?”

Jim didn’t answer but Spock was able to pull him to his feet and to the bathroom. He undressed Jim carefully, wincing at all the blood and bruises and cuts and scrapes.

“You should have seen the doctor.” He tried not to make his tone admonishing.

Jim still didn’t reply. Spock turned on the water shower and removed his own clothes to get in the shower with Jim.

Spock pulled Jim into his arms. He was shaking like a leaf.

“Ashaya—”

“He was only twenty.”

“Jim.”

“Hitch. He-he was-was only twenty.” Jim closed his eyes and buried his face into Spock’s neck.

Spock was not sure what to say. Jim had experienced the death of many crewmembers.

“He died because of me.”

The thing was Jim was bruised, battered, bloody and scraped, but he was whole. He was beautifully, wonderfully alive. To Spock Hitch was a hero.  

Spock clutched Jim to himself.  He didn’t know what to do with this. He’d never seen Jim in this state. His strong husband and captain. Though the words were definitely not enough, Spock tried anyway, “I grieve with thee.”  


	6. We're Breaking Up

“You know what? If you don’t like my command decisions,  _Commander_ , you can file a report,” Jim told Spock angrily. He pulled his gold shirt on over his head.

“You are being unreasonable.” Spock’s tone was as cold as it ever got.

“And illogical too,” Jim spat.

“Yes.”

Jim fixed his shirt and then tugged at the wrists. “See these stripes here? It means I’m the  _Goddamn Captain_. I make the decisions.”

“Even if they are clearly wrong.”

“Even when they are clearly  _right_.” Jim headed for the door of his quarters. “I don’t have time for this crap, Mister Spock. I’m due in the transporter room in less than five minutes.” He paused at the doorway, hands on hips, as he watched Spock going through the drawers and pulling out clothes. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I am removing my belongings from your quarters,” Spock replied, his voice clipped.

A muscle jumped in Jim’s jaw. “Oh. So that’s how it’s going to be, huh?”

“Indeed.”

“Well…good! Who asked you to move your stuff here anyway?” Jim snapped.

Spock stiffened. Or got more stiff. And the blank look that fell over his face made Jim realize that he’d probably just pushed Spock too far. It was true that Jim hadn’t “officially” asked Spock, but for the last three months they’d spent all of their time in Jim’s quarters. Little by little Spock had begun to move belongings over for easier access. And in fact, his Vulcan lyre even now hung on Jim’s wall.

“You are quite correct, Captain. You did not. My error.”

Jim opened his mouth to say something. Take it back or whatever. But the words got stuck in his throat. He was still pissed. And not at all in the mood to placate Spock.

Instead he crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned against the wall. “So, this is it, then?”

“Clarify.” Spock stepped over to the wall where his lyre was affixed and removed it.

His chest suddenly tightened and he had to swallow a couple of times before he could say anything. It was hitting him that this was pretty damn serious. Irreparable even.

“We’re breaking up.”

He meant it to come out softly, wistfully, but somehow it came out much harsher than that. It sounded cold and heartless.

“Affirmative,” Spock replied, his tone robotic and with a note of finality that made Jim’s heart squeeze. “I have sudden clarity at how much of a mistake it was to engage in such an inappropriate and one-sided relationship as this was.”

“Inappropriate and one-sided? Wait, what?”

“You are due in the transporter room.”

“I know but—”

“Now.” Spock straightened, all his belongings were held in his arms. And there were a lot, now that Jim stood there looking at him, holding everything. Three months’ worth of a life spent together. It had been stupid for Spock to go back and forth between their quarters. Or so it had seemed. “In fact, you are two minutes past schedule.”

As if on cue, there was a boatswain’s whistle. “Scott to Captain Kirk.”

“Kirk here.”

“Landing party’s waiting, sir.”

“I’ll be right there, Mister Scott.”

Spock nodded stiffly. “I am due on the bridge. If you will excuse me, Captain.”

Jim nodded back. “Sure.”

Spock walked past him and into the corridor. Jim let the door close in his own face. For longer than he should, he just stood there. He’d pushed things too far. He knew it. Pushed Spock away. But Spock had been in the wrong too. Maybe Jim overreacted. But then—

_Fuck it._

It wasn’t like he’d ever expected this…whatever…with Spock to last. Of course it wasn’t going to. And anyway, this was for the best.

One-sided.

Just which side did that apply to?

****

Jim went right to his shower when he returned from the mission. Well, after Bones had dismissed him from the medbay. He was sore and sad and wanted to drown in the water spray.

The mission had gone about as expected and there were injuries but no fatalities at least. Jim’s injuries were perhaps the worst and even those weren’t that significant considering Bones had allowed him to go to his quarters.

Jim had asked and, after a moment where Bones appeared to be very ready to argue, he’d looked at Jim’s face and acquiesced.

He got out of the shower and pulled on pajama bottoms and a thin T-shirt. He was dog tired and extremely depressed. He missed Spock already and felt like a gigantic ass over their argument now. He’d fucked up. So badly that Spock had ended things between them.

Jim leaned against the wall of the bathroom, trying to fortify himself to face his bedroom alone. After a couple of minutes, he inhaled and exhaled, and then opened the door.

Spock stood there in the middle of his quarters.

Jim swallowed down his panic, his heartache, and took a step forward. “Spock I—”

“Jim.”

All of a sudden Spock moved and they met somewhere in the middle and as Jim reached for Spock, Spock reached for Jim. Their lips crushed against each other and Jim let out a desperate little mewl.

Spock’s arms came around him, holding him tight.

“I love you so damn much,” Jim said wetly against Spock’s throat.

“Ashaya,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry.”

Spock shook his head. “It is I who owe you the apology.” He pulled back and used his hand to tip Jim’s chin back so that their gazes met. “Do you forgive me?” 

“Always.” Jim may have hiccupped. “Don’t leave me like that again.”

“I will not,” Spock promised. And he knew he could believe Spock, because his Vulcan would never promise something he would not keep. Spock’s gaze swept over him. “You were injured.” His thumb gently swept across Jim’s split lip.

“Minor.”

“I should have been there.”

“You can’t protect me from everything.”

“I wish to.”

Jim smiled, his heart so much lighter than before. “I know. Will you stay with me? I’m so wiped out I think I’ll be asleep inside five minutes, but…please?”

“I can be nowhere else.” Spock drew him close. “I belong at your side. And I will always care for you.”

Jim closed his eyes as Spock lifted him into his arms as though he weighed nothing and carried him toward the bed. As Spock laid him down, his heart leapt in his chest. His lips curved. “I am gratified.”


	7. Bad Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted elsewhere, posting here

Jim rushed to the medbay on word that Spock and two other crew members had been injured in an explosion. His heart was pounding as he stepped through the doors.

He stopped in his tracks.

Spock sat on a biobed, legs dangling off the edge. Uhura had her arms around his neck.

“Oh, I was so worried,” she said. “I’m glad you’ll be okay.” She kissed him.

“Hey, Jim.”

He turned to Bones. His heart was no longer racing. Bleeding more likely. “Spock okay?”

“Just a little temporary hearing loss,” Bones said, squeezing his arm. He led him over to another two biobeds. “Gregory and Kent took the brunt of it. But they’ll be okay.”

Jim smiled at the two men. “Good to hear. Get plenty of rest and do as the doctor says.”

“Yes, sir,” Gregory said.

Jim turned away and deliberately did not look back at the intimate embrace of his first officer and his girlfriend. “Guess I’m not needed here. I’ll go back to the bridge.”

“What’s wrong, Jim? You look seriously wiped.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Nah, it’s nothing. Bad day is all. I didn’t get much sleep. The replicators were broken this morning so I didn’t get breakfast or more importantly, _coffee_. I got chewed out by Admiral Kowalski. And it’s just been one disaster after another. I should have stayed in bed.” He shook his head. “As if!”

Jim went to the bridge and took his seat. “Ouch! Fuck.” He scrambled out of his chair and saw that he had just sat on his PADD. And now it was tweaked. “Damn it! Who put this in my chair?”

Sulu glanced back at him. “You did, Captain.”

“Great.” He grimaced and gestured to a yeoman that had just stepped onto the bridge. “Get this fixed or replaced or something.”

She took it from him with a sympathetic smile. “Yes, Captain. Sorry about that, sir.”

“Par for the course for today.”

“Would you like some coffee, sir?”

Jim frowned. “They fixed the replicators?”

“No, sir. But I brewed some myself.”

“Fresh brewed?” Jim got vaguely excited. “That would be great.”

She beamed. “Coming right up, sir.”

Jim was pretty happy, thinking at last something good was happening. That was until he tasted the coffee she brought him. It was filled with grounds. He barely refrained from keeping the wince off his face.

“Good, Captain?” she asked.

“Uh, yeah. Thanks. Thank you, Yeoman. You’re a life saver.”

She practically glowed. “If you’d like, I can bring you _my_ coffee from now on.”

“That’s really generous of you. Really. But I can’t put you out like that. We’ll just have to have this as a treat sometime.” He gave her his best smile. One that he’d been told galaxy wide could melt the coldest heart. Never seemed to work on Spock though.

“That would be wonderful, Captain,” she replied. “Thank you. Excuse me, sir.”

Chekov watched her go and then shook his head at Jim. “I could have told you her coffee is the vorst, Keptin.”

“Now he tells me.” He thrust the cup at Chekov. “Get rid of this, will you?”

By the time his shift was over and he finally got to leave, they’d engaged in a battle with a rogue freighter, Sulu had thrown up all over his console, and Jim had gotten a fucking cramp in his leg.

Oh and Uhura had returned to her station with a little hop in her step he did _not_ want to know about.

When he stepped into his quarters, his headache was raging.

There was a message from his mother.

_You know you could actually bother yourself with contacting me once in a while. I’m your mother. You’d think you’d care a little bit about all that I sacrificed for you. But no, you don’t give a damn about me. You are so ungrateful._

“Oh, sure,” Jim muttered. “That’s going to get me to contact you right away.” He erased the message.

Then saw the one from Admiral Kowalski.

_We’re still not done, Kirk. I will speak with you later._

With his luck, he was probably getting court-marshaled.

He took all of his clothes off and went into the bathroom to take a shower. Only the water wasn’t working. He turned it to sonic. That didn’t work either.

“Fuck this!”

Jim contacted maintenance and they advised him they were ‘aware’ of the problem and were working on it. No estimation of when it would be fixed.

Back in his quarters, he pulled on his favorite pajama bottoms and a T-shirt. As he was putting on the pajama bottoms he noticed a hole along the seam of the crotch.

“Seriously?” Jim groaned and sat on his bed, holding his face in his hands. Maybe if he went to sleep he’d wake up to a better day.

His door buzzed and all he could think was that at least it wasn’t a damn red alert.

“Enter.”

To his surprise, Spock stepped inside, dressed in one of his brown meditation robes.

“Hey.” Then he remembered he was supposed to have hearing loss. “Did Bones release you?” he shouted.

Spock arched a brow. “There is no need to shout, Captain. My hearing has returned to optimal function.”

“Oh. Well, good. Then I guess he did.”

“Indeed.”

“What’s up then?”

“I came to check on you. The doctor said you came by but didn’t wish to interrupt my visit with Nyota.”

Jim nodded. “As you can see, I’m right as rain.”

Spock blinked at that but then he said, “I surmise that is not the truth. You do not look well.”

“Yeah? How so?”

Spock suddenly took several steps closer to him. It didn’t even occur to him to back up like he normally did. “You are paler than is usual. Your eyes are shadowed in darkness. You have fatigue lines around your mouth.”

“Well—”

Spock’s hand rose toward his face. “May I?”

“Uh. Sure?” Jim said, not even sure what he was agreeing to.

Spock’s fingers spread out over Jim’s face like for a meld. “I would ease your stress, Captain. It is painless.”

Jim nodded permission.

He was startled when only seconds later, Spock sucked in an audible breath.

“What?” Jim pulled back as Spock’s hand fell from his cheek.

The Vulcan was now staring at him with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. “You-you desire me.”

_“What?”_

“You are in love with me.”

“Oh, fuck me. _Of course_ you saw that.  Could this day get any worse? Look, Spock it’s nothing you need—”

His words were cut off by Spock’s lips upon his. Warm and soft and excitingly demanding. Jim clutched at Spock’s robe as he moved impossibly closer. He was panting when Spock ceased the kiss to allow him to breathe.

“Spock, what—”

“I desire you, too.” Spock resumed kissing him. Spock’s hands had slipped down Jim’s back to grasp and hold onto Jim’s ass. Jim moaned into the kiss and pressed closer to Spock.

Jim broke the kiss this time, gulping in air. “But, Spock—”

“I am in love with you.”

This time Jim kissed Spock as Spock’s fingers squeezed his ass through his pajama bottoms. He slipped his hands inside Spock’s robe, feeling bare skin, and nearly fucking coming just touching Spock like this for the first time.

“God,” he said, nibbling Spock’s lips. “This is the best day ever.”


	8. Only a Teacup

Jim felt sorrow through his link with Spock. He looked up from the box he was putting together.

“Spock?”

“In here,” his husband responded in his quiet voice.

Jim went to the kitchen. Spock was holding a delicate pink and white teacup and saucer in his hands.

He went to his husband, put his arm around him and leaned over his shoulder. “What’s that?”

“It belonged to my mother.”

“Your dad had it?”

Spock nodded. “It was her favorite when I was a child. When I first came to the Academy, they lived for about six months here in this apartment. She must have brought it here and never returned it to Vulcan with her.”

“And so it was not destroyed with their house.”

“Affirmative,” Spock said softly.

“It’s so sweet that your dad kept it all this time.”

“It was he who purchased it for her,” his husband explained. “She treasured it.”

Jim smiled slightly as Spock set it down on the counter carefully. “Looks like he did, too.”

Spock turned to look at him. “Yes.”

“Are you okay, honey?”

“Both of my parents are gone now.”

“Yeah.” Jim licked his lips. “I know how hard it is.”

“I thought…it was unexpected.”

Jim took Spock’s hand. “Do you want to go through his stuff another day? Or I could do it, if you’d rather.”

“Perhaps a short break.”

“Come out on the balcony with me. It’s a beautiful evening.” He hooked his arm with Spock’s and led him outside. Where they stood at the railing looking out over the skyline of San Francisco.

“It is pleasant.” Spock sad quietly after a moment.

“Do you want to keep this place?”

Spock shook his head. “I will never want to stay here.”

Jim nodded. Kissed Spock. “What are you thinking, t’hy’la?”

For a moment Spock did not reply, then his gaze met Jim’s. “Of a time when you will be nothing but a teacup to me.”

Jim’s throat closed. He looked away. Tried to joke his way out of it. “I don’t even like tea.”

“Jim.”

He looked back at Spock. Touched his fingertips to  Spock’s cheek. “I know, honey. But we have years. Still. Years.”

“It can all change in only a day.”

“Yeah.” His other hand went to Spock’s side, to feel his heartbeat. “But we have now. I love you.”

Spock pulled him close. He said nothing. And Jim could feel him tremble, so Jim just held him tight.


	9. Snowed In

Jim woke slowly, trying to acclimate himself to where he was exactly. Besides bed of course. That much he knew. He felt a heavy arm across his midsection and for half a second he drew a complete blank. Then the arm shifted and a hand stroked up his hip and to his stomach.

“Spock?” he whispered, shivering.

“Is it morning, Captain?”

Spock’s voice was thick with sleep and somehow it was incredibly endearing. He was as naked as Jim himself was, of course, and plastered against Jim, all hot molten lava. But Jim didn’t mind. In face there was a chill in the air and even from where he lay in bed, he could see out the window that the snow was falling softly.

“Looks that way.”

Instead of moving away from Jim and rising from the bed as he expected, Spock snuggled closer. And even kissed Jim’s ear.

“Uh.”

“Are you experiencing regret for our extensive sexual copulation last evening?” Spock asked. He didn’t sound particularly bothered or concerned.

“Extensive?” Jim smiled. How could he not?

“As I recall I took you in the kitchen, the living room, the bathroom, in the chair over there, and then—”

“Okay, yeah,” Jim said quickly. “Extensive.” He cleared his throat. Flexed his ass a little. Which turned out to be a mistake because Spock pressed closer and Jim felt Spock’s hard dick sliding over the crease between his cheeks. “Spock, stop that.” He may have groaned that.

“”To what do you refer?”

Jim chuckled. “You know what. We’re supposed to get up and leave. Our shore leave is over and we’re due in San Francisco to meet with the diplomats from…” Spock pressed against him. “Fuck.”

“They are from Xaria 4, Captain. There is no Federation planet, Fuck.”

“Smartass.” He yelped when Spock pinched his cheek. “Hey!”

“Did that hurt?” Spock murmured.

“Well, no. But it might have.”

Spock licked Jim’s ear.

“Oh my God.” He shivered. “How did I not know you are such a horndog?”

“Complaining?”

“Hell no. But my ass might be if you keep this up.”

“I suspect it will be just fine.”

Jim sighed and leaned back against him. “If I had known Riverside would cause you to attack me I would have invited you before.”

“I did not attack you, Captain. We engaged in extensive—”

“Sexual copulation. Yeah, I know. I don’t mean like punch me out. Anyway, why now? Our last night.”

“I could no longer resist you.”

“That sounds good.” Jim closed his eyes. “I guess we have to get up.”

“Or…we could stay in bed.”

Jim craned his neck a little to look at Spock. “What?”

“The crew still has three more days of shore leave before we must depart Earth. It was only the two of us who were advised to attend the diplomatic meeting.”

“Well, yeah, but we’re sort of important. And if we miss it, there will be hell to pay.”

“Mm. I believe it is snowing harder. What do you think?”

Jim glanced at the window. “It doesn’t look any worse than a few minutes ago.”

Spock shook him. “Does it not? I believe it may turn into a blizzard.”

Jim licked his lips. “Yes. You know. You’re right, Mister Spock. That definitely looks like a blizzard.”

“Indeed.”

Spock nipped his ear.

“Let’s just…stay in bed then, right?”

He felt the tip of Spock’s cock press between his cheeks. “I quite agree, Captain.”

“Spock,” Jim moaned out. To hell with diplomacy.


	10. Reveal

****“Are you ready for this?”

Spock glanced at Nyota. Not at all with apprehension. Vulcans did not feel apprehension. Nor anxiety. “Is there any particular reason I should be concerned?”

She smiled at him. “Of course not. Have you rehearsed what you are going to say?”

Spock blinked at her. “Rehearsed? Why would it require me to rehearse?”

Nyota squeezed his arm. “It doesn’t require it, Spock. I just thought in case you were nervous or anxious—”

“I am hardly anxious, Nyota.”

She sighed. “Just…when are you meeting him?”

“In ten point three minutes.”

“It’s going to be fine, I’m sure.” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

Spock had thought it would be fine, but now, he was hit with a sudden realization that what was about to happen would be a mistake. It wouldn’t go at all the way he wanted it to go or the way even Nyota kept assuring him it would go.

“Good luck, Spock.”

“Luck is illogical and—”

She shook her head and offered him another smile and then turned and left his quarters while he was still speaking.

Up to this point he had been so certain. Now he had nothing but doubts. He returned to his desk and sat behind it, pulling up his terminal and deciding to go over his latest lab results. Science was the answer. Logic and science.

When the door of his quarters buzzed, Spock looked up in surprise. He noticed that a good forty-five minutes had passed. Which was not at all like him.

He stood up and came around the desk.

“Come.”

Jim stepped inside. “Spock?”

“Captain.”

Jim’s lips curved into the tiniest smile. “Well, now that we have established who we are, weren’t we supposed to meet for dinner a while ago?”

“I love you,” Spock blurted out.

“Uh.”

Spock knew he was blushing. He could feel the change in the temperature of his face and he was really quite certain that a loss of consciousness was not at all impossible in the next five minutes.

“Well.” Jim said. He rubbed the back of his neck. Took a step backward, Spock noticed, feeling fainter by the minute. Jim cleared his throat. “How-how long?”

Could he even quantify it in such a manner?

“Five hundred twenty six days.”

“Oh.” Out came the tongue Spock was just a little obsessed with to trace over Jim’s bottom lip.

“Jim—”

“But we’ve only been doing whatever we’ve been doing for twenty six days.”

Spock made himself nod.

“So those other five hundred days—”

“Yes.”

Jim blew out a breath. “I’m not sure how to process this.” But he took several steps forward, which was entirely better than back. He was suddenly in Spock’s space. Very very close.

“If you do not return my regard, we can attempt to pretend I did not speak of this,” Spock said quietly. Spock could not. Never. But he would pretend for Jim’s sake, if that was required of him. In order to maintain a friendship between—

“Is that what you want?” Jim’s soft words hit Spock. His eyes were so saturated blue that Spock thought he might just drown in them.

“No.”

“Good, because.” Jim angled his head so that their lips were very close and could easily touch. Spock hoped that they would kiss. He never got tired of kissing Jim. He never would. “Because. I love you desperately.”

And then, Jim’s lips were on his and Spock grabbed him by the arms, pulling him closer still, and there may have been an attempt by Jim to climb Spock, and Spock, just might have, let him.


	11. Bedside Manner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A friend gave me a prompt, based on this part of Into Darkness 
> 
> James T. Kirk: [Kirk's HUD breaks midway through his space-jump] Spock my display is down, I'm flying blind.
> 
> Spock: Captain, without your display compass hitting your target destination is mathematically impossible.
> 
> James T. Kirk: Spock, if I get back, we really need to talk about your bedside manner.

“Spock’s here again.”

Jim looked at Bones as he scanned him. “Yeah?”

Bones nodded. “Waiting outside. I’ll send him in as soon as I’m done checking on you.”

Jim smiled a little and glanced toward the door. Bones had told him Spock had visited every day while he was in a coma. The day Bones had brought him out of it, Spock had been there. And every day since he’d awakened. Off and on, anyway.

He’d had other visitors, too. Scotty, Sulu, Chekov. Even Uhura had come by the day before yesterday with Spock.

Bones turned off his scanner and stood back. “You’re doing well. Great even.  Better than I expected.”

“Super blood?”

“I need to run some more tests, but yeah, I think so. For someone who was mostly dead, it’s pretty remarkable.”

“When can I get out of here then?”

Bones shook his head. “Not until I run a whole battery of tests. Things look good now, but in a day or so, it could go bad.”

“You and your damn caution,” Jim muttered. “I feel great. And I hate being in this bed.”

“Yeah I know you do. I’ll send a nurse in later after Spock leaves to help you take a shower.” Bones waggled his brows. “A beautiful brunette.”

Jim smiled. “Send Spock in, will you? There’s something I need to talk to him about.”

“He sure seems fond of you,” Bones said, staring down at him. “I gotta say I’m surprised.”

“Why are you surprised?”

“I thought you’d finally found someone you couldn’t charm,” Bones said. “But apparently that old Kirk charm even works on Vulcans.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Just send him in, will you?”

Less than a minute later, Spock appeared by his hospital bed. He was dressed in the gray dress uniform he’d worn when Jim had first awakened. He held his hat in his hands.

“Hey Spock. How’s it going?”

“I have been to meetings in headquarters and—”

Jim waved that away. “No, not about work. You doing okay?”

Spock blinked at him but did not reply.

Jim shook his head bemusedly. “There’s something we need to discuss, Spock.”

His first officer straightened and gave a very tiny sigh. “Yes. I…yes. I do believe it is important for us to discuss matters as they stand now as well.”

“Then you know what I want to talk to you about?”

Spock nodded. “Yes. I have suspected you would want us to discuss it.”

“Good.” Jim indicated the edge of the bed. “Was there something you wanted to say first?”

“No. I will wait for you.”

Jim nodded. “Seriously, Spock. You need help.”

“Captain?”

“Your bedside manner.”

“I…what?”

Jim laughed. “Remember? When I was flying over to Marcus’ ship with Khan?”

Spock stared at him. “I recall that moment.”

“Well, then don’t you remember? I said if I made it back we’d have to discuss your bedside manner.” Jim gestured to himself and the hospital room. “Well, here I am. Granted my making it back is up for interpretation. But I'm definitely here."

Spock’s lips thinned. “I…see.”

“You should see your face right now,” Jim said, shaking his head. “But really. I’m out there flying blind, fully aware it’s likely I won’t make it, and instead of words of comfort you have to tell me the odds I’ll survive.” Jim chuckled. “You’re one in a million, Spock.”

“It was logical to provide you with factual information during an important mission.”

“Yeah. I know.” He smiled. There was something a little off in the way Spock held himself. Maybe Vulcans didn’t appreciate being teased. “Anyway, that was all.”

“Of course, Captain.”

Definitely something off.

“Did you…was there something else you wanted to talk about?” He seemed to have surprised Spock so maybe there had been something else weighing on Spock’s mind. He certainly hoped he didn’t want to tell Jim he was leaving.

Spock hesitated slightly, then shook his head. “No, Captain. There is nothing else.”

Jim searched Spock’s face. There was definitely tension there. Perhaps he thought Jim was reprimanding him. “Spock, you know, I was just joking, right?”

“Joking?”

“About your bedside manner. I just wanted to give you a hard time. I was kidding. Trying to lighten things up.”

Spock nodded very slightly. “I am aware it was not a serious reprimand, Captain.”

“Well.” Jim licked his lips. “Good then.”

“If you will excuse me, I—”

Jim frowned. His chest tightened thinking of Spock leaving. “You’re going already? I thought-I thought you’d stay.” Whenever Spock was there, staying in the hospital wasn't so bad.

“Unfortunately not. I only stopped by to ascertain your welfare. Since you seem to be doing well, I will be on my way,” Spock said coolly.

"You have things to do then?"

"Indeed."

“Oh.” Jim looked away and nodded. “Okay. Um, thanks then.”

“You are welcome.”

“See you tomorrow?” Jim asked hopefully.

“I do not believe I can make it tomorrow.”

“Oh. All right.” He tried a smile, but it hurt to make his lips move like that. There was a ball of ice in the pit of his stomach.

Spock nodded, turned and left.

Jim closed his eyes,

 _Fuck_.

****

It was another week before Bones would release him and Spock had insisted Jim stay at his temporary apartment for at least the first week he was out. Bones had agreed with Spock and therefore Jim had gone along with it. If it meant getting out, it was worth it.

Whatever he’d said that day to Spock though had changed things between them. That last week in the hospital, Spock had barely come to visit him and when he had, it had been all business. He’d been surprised when Spock insisted Jim stay with him.

And now as he went into Spock’s kitchen to get a glass of water, he saw Spock standing outside on his patio talking to Uhura. They were standing very close and Uhura had her hands up on Spock’s shoulders.

A lump formed in his throat before he could prevent it. What the hell was he even doing here? Later, he’d probably hear them having sex in Spock’s bedroom. And he-he’d just wish he died after all.

He hated all this. Hated feeling like he did.

One thing that had definitely changed since he woke up from being dead. His emotions were all over the fucking place and just now he felt the prick of tears.

God, he was damn pathetic.

The patio door opened and Jim wiped frantically at his eyes.

“Captain? Are you all right?” Spock hurried into the kitchen.

Jim turned away. “Yeah.”

“Are you in pain?”

“No. I just…” And the stupid tears started rolling down his cheeks.

Spock seized his arms and turned Jim to face him. “Captain? Jim? What is wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m fine,” Jim insisted.

“Please.” Spock suddenly looked stricken. “Your crying disturbs me.”

Jim pushed away. “Well, I can’t help it, okay? Don’t watch then.”

“That is not what I meant,” Spock said softly, though he allowed Jim to free himself. “Your well-being is important to me.”

Jim snorted. “Because of your duty.”

“Negative.”

Jim chanced a look at him. He couldn’t read anything in Spock’s expression.

“I am aware that you do not share my regard and perhaps even find it a burden but—”

“Your…wait. What? Your regard?” Jim’s jaw dropped open.

“I wish to ensure your safety and well-being at all times,” Spock said softly.

Jim drew in a shaky breath and then stepped closer. “When-when you say regard, just…what do you mean?”

“Captain—”

“Spock, don’t-don’t ‘captain’ me right now. Do you share my feelings or not?”

“Share?” Spock stared at him dumbfounded.

“God, you are the most infuriating—”

Spock cut off his tirade by reaching for Jim, grasping his arms and pulling him up against him. “There is something we need to discuss.” With a shaky hand, Spock touched Jim’s cheek.

“Later.” Jim pressed his lips to Spock’s, whose mouth softened and opened under his with a slight hitch of breath. “Take me to bed.”

“Has Doctor McCoy cleared you for strenuous sexual activity?”

“Strenuous, huh?” Jim smiled against Spock’s mouth. "That sounds pretty good."

“Jim—”

“But if you''re worried, how about you just fuck me real slow?”


	12. We Must Be Desperate

“Captain.”

There was no response. He could hear the captain breathing, but he made no other sound in the darkness. From Spock’s position chained to the wall he could not see Kirk. The alien race native to this planet had chained Kirk to the opposite wall and left them in a cell of complete darkness.

They had come once to feed them, hours ago now. But otherwise they had been left alone in silence. They had not even been chained together.

“Captain.”

“What, Spock?”

Kirk sounded weary and despondent. Spock knew he was injured. When they’d been abducted from the landing party, the one in charge had decided to beat Kirk for his insolent mouth, or so he declared. Spock had been forced to watch as Kirk had been pummeled over and over again. When they had finished pummeling him, they’d kicked him. Spock had been distraught. He had offered to take the captain’s place for the beating, but they had ignored him. Spock wanted to tear them apart, but he could do nothing. He was useless and restrained.

“Are you in severe pain?”

“Kind of a dull ache now.”

“When we return to the ship the doctor will see to your injuries.”

Jim made some sort of derisive noise. “We’re not returning to the ship, Spock. We’re going to die here.”

“I do not believe that.”

Kirk said nothing to that. Just lapsed back into his silence.

“Captain.”

“What now?”

“There is something that I have…hesitated to inform you, but I believe I cannot withhold this information from you anymore.”

“Last confession before we die, Spock?”

“We are not going to die,” Spock insisted.

“They have no idea where we are. I’m pretty sure I’ve got internal injuries. Spock—”

“We will be rescued in time.”

“Fine. What do you want to tell me?”

“You are my friend,” Spock began.

A snort. “You’ve already established that the last time I was dying. Which I actually  _did_ die.”

Spock’s side twisted. “I am aware.”

“Well, it’s all right. I know we’re friends.”

“Jim. I wish to convey that we are more than friends.”

“Comrades. Brothers. Yeah. I get it.”

Spock closed his eyes. “You do not. Over the many months, even years, that we have served together, I have come to rely on our interactions above all others.”

“I’m not sure Uhura would be thrilled to hear that.”

“Nyota and I ended our relationship before Altamid,” Spock informed him.

“Huh. Didn’t you get back together after the whole tracking necklace thing?”

“Negative. We agreed we made better friends.” Spock exhaled very slowly. “You are an uncommonly attractive male and I have been…enamored of you for some time.” He did not think enamored was quite the correct word, but since he was pressed for time to make Kirk understand, Spock decided to go with it.

“So…you are attracted to me.”

It went far beyond attraction, of course. But at least he was getting somewhere.

“This is a really odd time to tell me you want to fuck, Spock.”

Or not.

If Spock could, he would pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration.

“I do not want to fuck.”

There was a pregnant pause during which he was certain Jim was about to say something that would frustrate him further.

“Now,” Spock quickly added. “In the future, if we are mutually prepared to—”

“A future we don’t actually have.”

“Engage in satisfactory copulation—”

“It would be more than satisfactory, buddy.”

“Then I see nothing that will impede us from doing so.”

“Being dead might impede us,” Jim said dryly.

Spock counted to five. “I am desperately in love with you,” he blurted out, before Jim could interrupt him again.

Spock felt a moment of disorientation and then heard the slight whine of the transporter engaging.

He reappeared on the transporter pad, without his restraints. As did the captain, who was even now being pounced on by McCoy.

“Get Spock to sickbay too,” McCoy barked as he carried Kirk away in a stretcher.

****

“What are you waiting for” Nyota asked Spock as she stepped up to him on the bridge. “Go to sickbay.”

“The bridge—”

“I’ll call Scotty to the bridge.” She swatted his shoulder. “You want to be there, Leonard said he’s awake, don’t you?”

Spock stood. “Yes.”

“Then go. He’s waiting.”

Spock had thought his duty should come before his desire to see Kirk, but Nyota was right. He did not want to wait any longer. He had advised Nyota that he had, at last, confessed his regard to their captain. Something he had discussed doing numerous times with her since the demise of their relationship.

McCoy greeted him with two raised eyebrows and pointed to the side. “Over there, Romeo.”

Spock ignored his odd reference to a teenager who killed himself, and hurried to Kirk’s biobed.

The captain was sitting up, but he looked pale and wan. “Hey.”

Spock swallowed as he got closer.

“I guess you were right again, Mister Spock. We didn’t die.”

“For which I am gratified.”

“Me too,” Jim said softly. “But that fucking you wanted to do? That’s going to have to wait. At least for a day or two.”

“Captain—”

“Come here,” Kirk said in his most imperious captain’s voice.

Spock stepped so close he was almost on the biobed.

“Come here,” Kirk said again, gesturing for Spock to come toward his face. Spock did. Kirk tapped his lips. “Here.”

Spock pressed his lips to Jim in a gentle kiss so as not to cause his captain any injury. It was not enough. But for now, it would have to be.

Jim’s eyes were shining as Spock gazed down at him. “I’m pretty desperate too.”


	13. Sacrifices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of OMS (AOS Style)

“Admiral.”

Jim swiped his finger across another line to move it to the next part. He pushed his glasses up on his nose. Damn things always slipped down. Time for adjustment again.

“Admiral Kirk. Sir.”

Jim removed his reading glasses and looked up with a smile at Lieutenant Kramer. “Yes, Lieutenant?”

“Sir, you should have left ten minutes ago. You’ll be late to meet them.”

He glanced at the time. “Damn. It gets away from me.”

She smiled. “I know, sir. But the shuttle arrives in less than an hour now. And with cross traffic—”

“I know.” He stood and shoved the PADD he’d been working on into a bag and reached for his jacket. “I need Ensign Moore to—”

“He’s already waiting with the hover car, Admiral.”

“Oh. Great. Listen, that organizational—”

“It’ll be taken care of.”

He smirked. “You didn’t let me finish.”

“I knew what you were going to say.”

He came around the desk, dragging his bag with him. He moved past Kramer.

“Okay. Message me if you need anything.”

“Admiral.” Kramer went over to his desk and scooped up his reading glasses. “You’ll probably need these.”

“Oh yeah.” He shoved them haphazardly into his bag earning him a look of dismay from Kramer, but she said nothing further. “I don’t know why I’m so scattered.”

She smiled again. “I do. You haven’t seen Spock for quite some time. He doesn’t get away from New Vulcan much.”

“Yeah, don’t I know it. All right, talk soon.”

Jim dashed out of his office and down to the lift, pretty much praying no one would try to stop him with questions.  It usually took him an hour to get out of HQ he got stopped so often.

Mercifully he made it out of the building and to the curb where Ensign Moore waited.

“There you are, sir. How are you, Admiral?” He attempted to take the bag out Jim’s hands but he moved it away from the ensign’s reaching fingers.

“I’m good, Ensign.”

“If you’ll just get in, I’ll have you to the shuttlebay in a jiffy.”

Jim got in and immediately reached for his PADD in the bag. He shoved the reading glasses back on his face and once more began to swipe his finger across the report.

****

He saw the Vulcan boy first even though at only three feet he was significantly shorter than Spock. Jim couldn’t see Spock yet but he was not surprised Strevic walked ahead of his father. Still he suspected Spock wouldn’t be too far behind his son.

Strevic made a beeline for Jim, so Jim knew the boy had already seen him. He was dressed in a black Vulcan robe, devoid of any ornamental embellishments of course. And when Jim finally spotted Spock striding behind him, catching up with his much longer legs, he saw that Strevic’s father was dressed similarly. 

Jim looked down with a smile as Strevic stopped in front of him. “Well, hello there.”

Strevic stared blankly at Jim, except for perhaps the tiniest quirk of his little lips. “It is agreeable to see you again.”

“Yes. It’s agreeable to see you again, too, little one.” He was rewarded with a slight blush to Strevic’s cheeks. “I trust you are well.”

“Indeed.”

As Spock reached them, Jim turned his smile to the older Vulcan. “And it’s damn agreeable to see you again too.”

He moved slightly past the boy to fist the collar of Spock’s robe as he kissed him thoroughly. He heard the exclamation of Strevic’s breath.

“Such displays are unseemly.”

Jim just laughed and then released Spock’s robe. “I see you are being influenced by your sa’mekh’al.” He kissed Spock again, very quickly. “I missed you.”

“I missed you as well, adun.”

“Can we depart now?” Strevic asked. “We still must collect our luggage.”

Jim led them out of the crowd of arrivals and then over to a private room. He scanned his hand across the lock and the door popped open. Spock and Strevic followed him inside.

It was then that he crouched down, closer to Strevic’s height. “Here. Is this better?”

Strevic instantly threw his little arms around Jim as Jim smiled over the boy’s head at Spock. He felt his little Vulcan tremble.

“Hey.” Jim pulled back enough to look into similar blue eyes.  “It’s okay, you know. We’re both right here.”

“I missed you, Dad,” Strevic whispered.

“Not half as much as I missed you.”

“That is illogical. It is not a competition.”

“Says you.” He kissed his son’s forehead. “You ready now to get your bags?”

“Yes.” But he was still clinging to Jim. He had a feeling Strevic might be just a little clingy for a while. After all it had been almost a year since they’d seen each other.

“You’re getting so big.”

“And you are getting older.” Strevic frowned. “You have more gray in your hair. And you have bags under your eyes. You are overtasking yourself.”

“Probably,” Jim said cheerfully. “Let’s go.”

****

Strevic fell asleep in the hover car, leaning heavily against Jim. And Jim leaned perhaps a little heavily against Spock.

He carried his sleeping son up to their apartment not too far from Starfleet HQ. And once inside he lay the boy on a nearby couch and covered him with a big fluffy command blanket.

“He has been so excited to see you he has exhausted himself,” Spock murmured as they moved further away into the kitchen so their voices wouldn’t disturb him.

Jim put his arms around Spock’s neck as Spock drew him close. “God, it’s been an eternity since I felt you.”

“You feel me all the time here.” Spock touched Jim’s temple.

“It’s not the same, though I’m grateful for that.” He leaned his head on Spock’s shoulder. “Sometimes I think I’m going crazy without you.”

“Jim—”

“I know. I’m not really losing my mind.” He smiled and kissed Spock. “Bones said he’d babysit for us if we wanted some alone time together.”

“We will definitely want some alone time.” Spock’s eyes grew to be a warm chocolatey brown. “Jim—”

“Spock—”

Jim’s PADD beeped. “Ah, crap. Hang on.” He fetched it out of his bag and held it up to his face.

Spock went to his bag and took out his reading glasses. “You have made them crooked again.” He handed them to Jim anyway.

Jim put them on and read the message. He tossed the PADD down along with his glasses. “Nothing important. I should go flush that thing down the toilet. Spock—”

“Jim—”

Jim laughed. “You go first.”

Spock was already shaking his head. “Admiral.”

“Fine. I’ll go. I’m sick to death of the three of us being separated.”

Spock blinked. “I had similar thoughts.”

“Good. So I talked to the ‘Fleet and the Federation and told them they either agreed or I was officially retiring.”

“We do not have to stay on New Vulcan. My work there can be done anywhere even from San Francisco.”

“It took some push but they’ve agreed to let me.”

“Therefore I informed the Vulcan Council of my decision.”

“What?” Jim asked.

“What?” Spock asked.

“I’m coming to New Vulcan with you when you and Strevic leave. I’ll do my duties from there. There may be a few times I have to travel but—”

“But I had made the decision for Strevic and I to relocate here,” Spock said quickly. “We are not going back. Our shuttle tickets were one way.”

“Spock!”

Spock rested his fingers on Jim’s face, at his meld points. “Bondmates and families should not be separated.”

“I love you so much.”

And even as he said it, he felt Spock return the affection perhaps ten times as bright through their bond. If he felt just a little blissed out, who could blame him? He closed his eyes and let Spock hold him.  


End file.
